don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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