WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
