I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
