i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He better not be in your backpack
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
