Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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