did you get engaged???
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
