I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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