can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
