You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
