i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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