apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
