He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
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