i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
