I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
