help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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