So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
