That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
