Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
do herpes really smell.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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