He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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