Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
The struggles of a small town man whore
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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