I puked a lego.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Randomize
