New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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