Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
