Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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