I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
