Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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