The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
