I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
