the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
