Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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