I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
