umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
