do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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