WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
