how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i just had sex bonerless
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
