You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
