Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
