And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
