And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
