dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
