Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
