I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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