Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
