apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
