ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
