i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
