We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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