I can't watch pbs sober anymore
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Randomize
