you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
