im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
