hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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