mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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