Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
