Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He did a backflip because drugs
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