Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
