I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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